Creating Space

Garden of Awakening Orchids in Portland OR.

I've talked about this before in an earlier post called Breathing Space and I want to say a little more about it in this post.

Today I noticed that I was putting off making a decision to change an aspect of my life.  It takes real courage to do that.  Other people may be affected.  I might regret making that change.  What will I lose?  What will I gain?

But putting off the decision was actually causing a lot of tension in my personal energy field, which affects body, mind, spirit and the immediate environment --i.e. space I occupy.

When I finally got off the fence and took a course of action, it freed up the space that was being held in limbo by all the tension required to keep myself static in that place of indecision.

By way of illustration, picture yourself in a room so full of stuff that you literally can not make a move.  You are packed in like a sardine and you are frozen in this state.  Your space is static.

But suddenly you see that you are close to a door, and you are able to reach out, with your arm, just barely...almost there...and now your fingers are reaching the doorknob and you take a deep breath and exhale and reach a little further, and suddenly you turn the knob, the door opens and all the stuff goes tumbling out the door.

In fact, so much stuff is removed that was holding you in place, that you are now free to move in any direction you want to.

When you stop holding that place of tension, it frees up space in your life.  

When that filled up room empties out, you have room for something else to move in.  What will fill your space now?

Pure potential.

Relating & Relationship

Everything is about relationships.  You have a relationship with each member of your family.  From the moment you're born, you are in relationships with your parents, your siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, great grandparents...and whether you consider that relationship healthy or unhealthy, it is still a relationship.

As you grow, you form relationships with friends and authority figures and society.  You form relationships with food, water, the air you breath, and the environment around you.  You form opinions based on your way of relating to the world.

Later you form relationships with the media and marketing and material possessions, and you form love relationships, and business relationships and the list goes on.

The definition of RELATIONSHIP:  The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.  It is how you are related to the world around you.  It is how you relate, in your human experience.

Everyone and everything is in relationship.  This includes your body.  Your organs are in a relationship with the cells that create tissue and blood and so on.  There isn't one thing going on in your body that isn't dependent on its relationships.

And so maybe you can begin to get a glimmer of an idea that how you relate to the world also affects how your internal community (in other words, your anatomy/physiology) relates within your body.

This is where BodyTalk can be of help to you.  BodyTalk is a system of whole health that restores balance to the relationships within the bodymind.

When we experience balance in our internal relationships, we find it easier to harmonize with our external relationships.  It's really just that simple.

Forgiveness

As the holidays approach, I find myself wanting to clear my paths to make way for the season of Love and Joy.  Part of that clearing is about forgiveness.

Forgiving myself, for the mistakes of the past, and forgiving others that I share human experiences with.  Forgiveness is my focus this week.  I don't want to be distracted by that old baggage.  I want to clear myself of all blame, bitterness, anger and grief.  

There are many tools to help us release and to forgive.  Some people write letters, some people use prayer, some have body work or energy work done, and some people use their own personal ceremonies to accomplish this.  If you're stuck for ideas and you feel overwhelmed at the prospect of working through issues of the past to find forgiveness whether for yourself or others, then do a search online to find something that speaks to your deepest heart.  I searched forgiveness chants, and a whole host of forgiveness exercises came up.

The energy of forgiveness, especially in forgiving yourself, allows for the most wonderful healing to occur.  It also makes you feel light years younger.

Have a good week.

Unexpected Treasure

Just a quick post (hopefully).  I can be pretty long winded.

I want to share how injuries can be wonderful gifts.


Have you ever noticed how you might keep injuring yourself.  Then you have a life changing shift in perception, and suddenly you're not doing that any more?

On Friday afternoon I was rushing about trying to get way too much done.  I was walking in through my front door with my hands full, and the door wasn't quite open wide enough, and I got an awful jolt when I hit it with my right shoulder.

And then I did something I've never done before.  I forgot all about it.  I remember experiencing rage, and then suddenly nothing.  My hands were full, I was busy, I bumped into a door--keep working!!!

I was with some friends later that evening and I realized my shoulder was swollen, and I thought "hmmm, inflammation.  I wonder what that's all about."

By the end of the evening I couldn't lift my arm.

The next morning I continued to use it even though I had very little motion.  And I kept wondering if I was getting bursitis, or some such.

That afternoon, I was seeing a visiting friend out to her car, and I turned to come back in through the front door, and the skin on my shoulder barely made contact with the door, but it was enough to awaken my body memory.  And then I remembered that I had bashed into the door on my way through almost 24 hours earlier.  But it wasn't until later that evening, when I could no longer move it at all in any direction, and the pain was excruciating, that my body memory reminded me that I had experienced this before, 28 years ago, and that Shoulder was most likely broken.

This is a pretty bad time for me to have this kind of an injury.  As an energy worker, I can do healing sessions with consciousness, and by distance.  This injury doesn't impact that kind of work.

But I am also the book binder for our family run press.  And we just released a book.  I am the only binder we have.  And I hand bind in small batches of six books at a time.  As quickly as I can.  A busted shoulder definitely has an impact on this kind of work.  And this time it's my right shoulder (my dominant hand).

"Two weeks," I told Mike.  That's how long it took 28 years ago, just to start using left shoulder again.

So here's the treasure part.  Sometimes when you have an injury, especially when you break something, you get an energy release.  I cracked into that shoulder, and rage was released! But that wasn't the only benefit.

Big life changes in just one little week.  In my relationships, in my work life, and in how I relate to myself.  Amazing.  Like cracking open a golden egg and releasing the richness within.  Such a huge shift in perception.

I'm not talking about looking for the silver lining, I'm talking about being showered with blessings.

So what's a little bone pain?  Excruciating? Yes!  But so worth it.

And a relatively easy shift in perception, is also allowing for accelerated healing to take place.  In other words, there is no longer a need to be injured.  Lesson learned, benefits reaped.  Let's get on with the healing.

Being Your Own Hero

Sometimes the unexpected happens and we are given the opportunity to observe our responses to unusual circumstances.  If we pay attention to how we operate in times of trauma, we can gain some insight.

It was shortly after 7 pm when I looked out the window and noticed that it was starting to get dark.  It had been raining all day long, and the light was fading faster than usual.

My hens always put themselves to roost in the hen house at the end of the day, and all I have to do is close the door, so I went out to do that, calling over my shoulder to my husband, Mike that I was going out to "tuck the girls in."

I had secured the door and was on my way back to the house.  The ground was saturated and really slippery and the shoes I use for "chicken herding" are old and don't have much tread left.

I took a step, and felt a wrench as my foot slipped out from under me and I hit the ground.

Agony!  My knee?  I decided not to analyze it.

I lay on the ground in the pouring rain, and tried to call to Mike.  In about a minute I realized that I was not going to be heard.  I made a tentative effort to stand.  Which was unsuccessful.  

My inner hero woke up and I realized I would have to help myself in this situation.

I'm an energy worker.  So that's what I did.  I’ve been trained in the BodyTalk System, which teaches a technique called "Fast-Aid" designed for emergency situations.  So I started out with a brain balance, and the first thing I realized, is that my inner dialogue, in other words, my thoughts did not want to calm down.  So at first it was hard to find my focus.  I just persisted with it, and was able to get into the routine of the technique.  With this technique, I was able to calm down, and actually take steps to help myself.

My next priority was to get to shelter.  It was dark, and I was getting drenched.  I tried calling Mike once more.  Nothing.  So the next step was to send out a beacon.

What do I mean by that?  Bodies are senders and receivers, much like a broadcast system.  We all have this technology if you will, built right in.

I could see one of my cats watching me from the window, so I asked her to get "Daddy" and I was also sending Mike a message to come find me.  (Afterwards Mike told me that my cat had started meowing persistently at the door and wouldn't stop until he got up to open the door.  Once he opened the door, I was able to get his attention.)

But in the meantime, I continued to help myself.  I probed my leg with my fingers, and realized there was no detectable swelling, and there was nothing out of place.  It wasn't hurting unless I moved it wrong or tried to put weight on it.  So I started scooting myself along the ground, keeping my injured leg in the air, trying not to think about all the chicken poo I was coming into contact with.

Before I had gone very far, I heard the door open and called to Mike, who helped me stand and then supported me as I hopped on one leg into the house.

After I got cleaned up and settled in on the sofa for the night, I did a healing session on myself, where I heard a small pop, and felt something shift gently.  I still couldn't walk on it, but I felt really good.  Happy, blissful, and like I was healing.

In the morning I woke around 4 am.  I still couldn't walk, but did another session and slept until 7 am.  

I was able to get up and walk unsupported, (but carefully) and without pain within 12 hours of the injury.  All of the other aches and pains which had threatened to manifest shortly after my fall (like back, neck and hips), never amounted to anything.

I learned some things about myself from this experience.  The first thing being that when confronted with the possibility that I might have to make a trip to the emergency room, my reaction was basically "Oh, hell no!"  Which was good, because it got me from traumatized victim to able bodied Hero (though slightly dented).

I also learned that I could rely on my own tools to stimulate my body to begin healing on a fast track, and that I could even use my mind to call for assistance from my husband and that he would somehow get the message.

Mostly I learned that I get to choose how I will respond to circumstances creatively in order to change  my experience. 

Autumn Flowers: Gifts For The Soul

I received a beautiful gift from a client I met for the first time on Tuesday.  I couldn't be more grateful for these dahlias grown so obviously with love.

With the colder weather, I have been very sorry to see the fresh vegetables die back in the local gardens, but now I am cheered by these hardy flowers that bloom in late summer and fall.  Their diversity in color, size and shape, is a reflection of us all.

Thanks K-, for a most thoughtful gift.  I am very happy every time I see them.

Sprouted Bread

We go through a lot of toast at Chez Tortorello.  It is a staple for Mike especially and it keeps him going as he keeps odd hours.  That means I have been seeking out the perfect bread,  a thing that still seems to elude me in my present world.

My goal is to find a bread making method that nourishes the body, without creating trauma, or triggering an immune response.  I know such methods exist.  Bread is not a villain.  It is not an enemy to the human system.  Many of us have just forgotten how to interact with it.  Our relationship with food has changed and broken down.  It is up to us to heal that.  We won't do it by avoiding food or fearing it.

Which brings me to an experiment that I'm conducting now--even as I type these words.

When researching sprouted grain bread recipes on line, I ran into a recipe on the Mother Earth News site for Essene Bread.  "Oh yeah," I said to myself.  "I remember that recipe from the Essene Gospels."

I found it on line in 1999 and because of the way it was written, I just couldn't wrap my head around how that could possibly work.

But here it was on MotherEarthNews.com and so I decided to try it.  I rummaged around in my cupboard and came up with a jar of Emmer Farro wheat I had bought from my local food co-op.  I was curious because it had been marketed as a variety dated back 20,000 years  (Wikipedia says "Grains of wild emmer discovered at Ohalo II had a radiocarbon dating of 17,000 BC.").

Here is the recipe as it appears in Part 2 of The Teachings Of The Essene Jesus.  "Let the angels of God prepare your bread. Moisten your wheat, that the angel of water may enter it. Then set it in the air, that the angel of air also may embrace it. And leave it from morning to evening beneath the sun, that the angel of sunshine may descend upon it. And the blessing of the three angels will soon make the germ of life to sprout in your wheat. Then crush your grain, and make thin wafers, as did your forefathers when they departed out of Egypt, the house of bondage. Put them back again beneath the sun from its appearing, and when it is risen to its highest in the heavens, turn them over on the other side that they be embraced there also by the angel of sunshine, and leave them there until the sun be set. For the angels of water, of air, and of sunshine fed and ripened the wheat in the field, and they, likewise, must prepare also your bread. And the same sun which, with the fire of life, made the wheat to grow and ripen, must cook your bread with the same fire. For the fire of the sun gives life to the wheat, to the bread, and to the body."

I'm using an oven instead of baking it in the sun because the sky is hazy today and the Sun is shining weakly through all that.

Mother Earth News recommended 250 °F for Two and a half hours.  It is a very small loaf which smells incredible.  And it did even before I started baking it.

I put the sprouted grain through my food grinder, and it really did grind into a dough consistency.  You just have to try it to know what I mean.  Then I formed it into a loaf, put it in the oven with a dish of water to help keep it moist, and baked for two hours.  I realized my oven is a little hotter, so I turned it off and am letting it sit in the oven for the last half hour.

It doesn't rise, but it is fermented and that's what I was going for.  To make it more digestible, and so the body can use more of the nutrients in the grain.

Here are some pictures...

Grinding the sprouted grain.

The cats think I'm making cat food, because I'm using the grinder.

Grains in the top getting pulverized. 

It looks a little like batter as it comes out of the grinder.

Very sticky batter consistency with a lot of fiber mixed in.

Wet hands before handling to shape the loaf.  This is really sticky.

Small loaf in a greased pie tin.  About the size of my open hand.

As you can see, it didn't get any bigger.  But very, very tasty.

OK, so maybe not the kind of bread you would make toast with, but this would be excellent with home made soup.

And now, I have a larger batch sprouting to try in a few days.  In water, in the open air, and in the sunshine.

Soaking grain (Angel of Water), outdoors (Angel of Air),
in the sunlight (Angel of Sunshine)

Just a final word about the sprouting process.  I followed the instructions from the Essene text for the sprouting, because it made sense.  I often sprout things indoors, in a jar.  This was a completely different experience.

The first day I soaked the grain outdoors in the sun.  At the end of the day, I brought it in, drained it, rinsed it, drained it again and put a cloth over the top to discourage fruit flies.  The next two days I rinsed and drained it two or three times each day because I left it outdoors in the sun during the day covered with a cloth, and didn't want it to dry out.

It got really bubbly every time I would rinse it.  So there was a nice natural fermentation going on which made the grains/dough/bread really fragrant all the way through the process.

There are all sorts of versions on line, if you want to try making sprouted bread.  They vary in method.  Some are modernized, and resemble regular bread making techniques.  Some are primitive and technically raw food.

I'm still experimenting, so I'm not sure if I'll continue with this method, but it is a fun way to interact with the food making process, and the bread was a success.  I may never use flour to make bread again.